April 20, 2007 (Friday)
Before this week, few people outside the state of Virginia knew very much about Virginia Tech University located in Blacksburg. The world became aware of Virginia Tech on Monday after Seung-Hui Cho, a 23-year old college student, murdered 32 people on that campus.
In this morning’s newspaper, I read these comments from the parents who had lost their daughter, Austin Cloyd, in the massacre. “They advised viewers to make the best memories you can with your kids. ‘Because some day that may be all you have left,’ the woman’s devastated father calmly said. ‘That’s all we have left now.’”
The Brevity of Life
Yesterday, in a large quarterly staff meeting that included employees from seven different offices, each participant was asked to introduce himself or herself to the group by stating his or her name, the office where he or she worked, how long he or she had been an employee, and what motivated him or her at work.
When I spoke about what motivated me at work, I mentioned the following:
First, I described that since 15-month old Lydia arrived in our lives, each day is a day of discovery filled with new experiences – a day of wonder;
Second, I stated that it was a special privilege to have Ma Wee staying with us. I explained that although SiowFong had been living in America for over 20 years, this was the first time that SiowFong’s mom, 79 years of age, was able to visit her in America; and
Third, because these two individuals represent the two extreme stages in a person’s life, I concluded by stating that I have been thinking recently about how brief this life is.
Implications for Lydia
After Ma Wee returns home to Malaysia and SiowFong and I exhaust the remainder of our leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act, I will reduce my work week further in September 2007 from four days a week (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday) to three days a week (Monday, Tuesday, Thursday), which is the minimum allowable for an employee.
(During our childhood years, both SiowFong and I were beneficiaries of the love and attention we received from our full-time mothers.)
L-O-V-E = T-I-M-E
Dr. James Dobson, the founder of Focus on the Family (
http://www.family.org/) and an internationally-known child and family psychologist with two adult children, shared these words in a book cowritten with his wife, Shirley, entitled Night Light for Parents (Multnomah Publishers: 2002. page 94)
“Shortly after the birth of my daughter, Danae, I finished my Ph.D. and the whole world seemed to open up to me. Radio and television opportunities were there for the taking, and a book contract sat on my desk. I was running at incredible speed, just like every other man I knew.
Although my pursuits were bringing me professional rewards, my dad wasn’t impressed. He wrote me a long and loving letter, gently expressing how great a mistake it would be if I continued to pour every resource into my career and failed to meet my obligations to my wife and infant daughter. He said my occupational success would be pale and unsatisfying if I lost the love of those I cared about the most. Those words shook me to the core and made me reexamine my priorities. . .
Time is a precious resource that, once lost, can never be recovered. Let’s spend it in a way that creates joyful, eternal memories for the loved ones under our roofs."
Time Continued
“The best way to show your love and help your child learn is to spend time with him. Shaping good attitudes and habits takes time. Setting good examples takes time. The encouragement your youngster craves – whether it’s for learning how to climb the stairs, how to read his first word, or how to write his name – requires your time and presence. You have to be available, perhaps more than you imagined.
It has become popular in recent years to distinguish between ‘quality time’ and ‘quantity time’. Some parents want to believe that they can spend fewer hours with their children so long as they put that shared time to good use. The fact is that children do not flourish on small, concentrated doses of attention from mothers and fathers. They need your frequent company if they are to learn from you. This may be a hard truth to accept in these modern days, but it is reality. For children, quality time is quantity time. When it comes to teaching and learning, there is no substitute for lots of time together – and children know it.
In the eyes of your child, your presence in his life is proof that you are interested and that you care. It shows that he comes first – not your work, or your friends, or a ball game on TV. . .
Keep in mind that one reason the preschool years are unique is that, in all likelihood, this is the period when your child wants your company more than he wants anyone else’s. He’s interested in what you have to say (most of the time, anyway). You’re his best pal. Later, he’ll often be elsewhere: in class, with his friends, or in his room, away from mom and dad. The preschool years offer the most opportunities to be together. Don’t neglect them.”*
* Bennett, Finn, and Cribb. The Educated Child: A Parent’s Guide from Preschool through Eighth Grade. Free Press: 1999. pages 25-26.
Personal Observations and Experience
A year ago, months before we knew Lydia’s identity, SiowFong would say, “I’m sure that Lydia will be daddy’s little girl,” and I would respond with “I’m certain that Lydia will be mommy’s little girl.”
It appears that neither of us was correct. Since SiowFong and I returned to work over two months ago in February, Lydia and Ma Wee are together on Mondays through Thursdays. The time that they have spent together has been a special blessing for Lydia, particularly in this era when many children have little or no interaction with their grandparents.
As a result, Lydia is very attached to Ma Wee, and she is really “pour pour’s” (Chinese word for maternal grandmother) little girl. Whenever Lydia sees Ma Wee and often when Lydia hears SiowFong or I mention “pour pour”, Lydia’s face instantly erupts into a smile, sometimes followed by some giggles. When Lydia is with us and among strangers at a social gathering outside our home, she usually stays closest to Ma Wee.
DSC_0074
DSC_0078
DSC_0084
DSC_0088
