February 17, 2007
It is difficult to get a good picture of a child, especially an infant or toddler. If SiowFong and I get one good photo of Lydia from ten images that we have taken, we consider ourselves fortunate. (Two huge advantages of digital photography compared to film photography include the immediate feedback about a photo and the ability to delete unwanted images.)
For those who are interested in taking better pictures of the babies in your life (e.g. your children, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, and / or great-grandchildren), Larry Brownstein, a professional photographer has the following tips for you in his article “7 Simple Rules of Baby Photography” that was published in the August 1, 1999 issue of Rangefinder magazine:
“Babies! So cute. So cuddly. So adorable. So photogenic! Everyone loves to see a baby. Who knows why? Maybe it’s simply coded into our genes to compensate for all the crying they do. But who can resist staring at a newborn baby, even if it’s just in a photograph. And who can resist picking up the camera to capture the little cutie-pie performing tricks for the camera? But photographing babies is not as easy as it may appear. So, to assist you in your brave mission to photograph the little bundle of joy, I have compiled the 7 simple rules of baby photography.
Rule #1: A baby’s attention span is approximately equal to the time span of sub-atomic events.
Be prepared! Have your cameras loaded and handy. Have your props set up beforehand. Use an assistant whenever possible to take full advantage of those nanoseconds when the precious little model is still enjoying the novelty and attention of the big shoot. Your first shots may be the best and things can quickly go downhill. Count yourself lucky if you get a good five minutes to shoot the star! Stars have busy schedules, you know.
Rule #2: Pamper your little model better than you would pamper a supermodel.
If you were photographing Cindy Crawford you probably wouldn’t offer her a bottle before the shoot, and you probably wouldn’t check her diaper either. But if you don’t take care of such things with your little supermodel you may not see many of those smiles and laughs you are hoping for, no matter how many animal impressions you do. So make sure she is comfortable, warm, well-rested and well-fed before the shoot.
Rule #3: Don’t wait for the perfect pose.
The little star is more likely to respond to a spinning mobile or a waving hand than the nuanced posing suggestions that you use for your sessions with supermodels like Cindy. So save the sweet-talk, and don’t wait for the perfect three-quarters profile, the perfect eye contact with the camera, or the toothy smile. If she doesn’t have drool on her chin, and her hands over her face, take the picture.
Rule #4: If you think your little model is clean, look again, and again.
A baby is to schmutz as a magnet is to iron shavings. You may not see the dirt on your little subject but the camera will see it on her chin, cheek, forehead, fingers. Clean that baby well, preferably by bathing her and then clean her up one more time.
Rule #5: Set your expectations for the shoot in proportion to the model’s fee.
No wonder the little talents are so temperamental—so much is expected from them in return for a warm bottle of formula. If your wages were so meager you’d be temperamental too. Don’t expect too much from the little stars. You may be disappointed.
Rule #6: If the baby is not having fun, no one is having fun.
Any parent will tell you this is a general rule and applies well beyond the limited domain of photography. So figure out what the little star enjoys and let her at it. Perhaps a special toy, a bath, or her “woobie,” whatever that may be.
Rule #7: Don’t be a cry-baby.
Don’t be a cry-baby if your subject doesn’t smile on cue. Babies excel at understanding your body language more than understanding your verbal language. So your frustration at not getting your preconceived shots will only cause more tension and an even less happy subject. So give up some of those preconceptions and let the little model be herself. Besides, a photo of a crying baby can be every bit as interesting as a photo of a laughing baby, even if it won’t help to sell baby food.
Let’s face it, taking pictures of kids is not easy. But it sure is rewarding when you get that perfect expression on the little darling’s face. By applying these Rules of Baby Photography you will soon be capturing pictures that will make the Gerber baby a has been.”
Saturday, February 17, 2007
2007: The Year of the Golden Pig
February 17, 2007
Today is Chinese New Year’s Eve. This year, year 4705, is the Year of the Boar or Pig.
Carolyn Pastoriza, one of SiowFong’s friends and coworkers who has a 21-month old adopted Chinese daughter from Jiangxi Province named Vivian, emailed this article about the new year to SiowFong yesterday from the February 10, 2007 issue of The Economist (volume 382, issue 8515, page 67):
"As China enters an auspicious year, the birth rate is expected to soar.
HOSPITALS across China are bracing themselves for what is expected to be a surge of babies born in the year of the pig, which starts on February 18th. Pig years, which occur every 12 years, are considered auspicious. But the coming one, or so many believe, will be especially fortunate since it is not just a pig but a golden pig, the first in 60 or even 600 years, depending on which astrologer one consults.
China's state-owned media have carried numerous stories of gynaecologists struggling to cope with unusual numbers of expectant women. Life Times, a weekly newspaper, quoted an official as saying that Beijing alone could see 170,000 births this year, 50,000 more than in 2006 (quite an auspicious year itself). The increase is partly the result of a mini-baby boom in the 1980s, which was in turn caused by a boom two decades earlier. But officials say the golden pig has much to answer for.
In recent years, Hong Kong has become a magnet for urban Chinese women trying to evade China's strict one-child policy and enjoy better standards of hospital care (often free since many leave without paying their bills). But those hoping for a golden pig baby in Hong Kong will face difficulties. To stem the influx, Hong Kong introduced new rules on February 1st requiring mainland women who are more than seven months pregnant to prove they have a hospital booking in the territory before they can cross the border.
China's top family-planning official, Zhang Weiqing, said last month that given the current bulge in the number of people reaching childbearing age, the government would not relax its one-child policy. This will probably mean that the golden pig's impact on the birth rate will be followed by a correction once the auspicious period is over (next year is also being tipped as lucky, what with the Olympics and all).
But problems are bound to arise as the golden pig cohort reaches school age. In some parts of China, children born in 2000, the year of the dragon (also very auspicious, as suggested by the chart), are already facing stiffer than usual competition for places. In Shanghai last week, deputies to the local legislature's advisory body called on city planners to start taking account of auspicious years when considering education demand. They also appealed to citizens to abandon superstition, but that is much less likely to be heeded."
Today is Chinese New Year’s Eve. This year, year 4705, is the Year of the Boar or Pig.
Carolyn Pastoriza, one of SiowFong’s friends and coworkers who has a 21-month old adopted Chinese daughter from Jiangxi Province named Vivian, emailed this article about the new year to SiowFong yesterday from the February 10, 2007 issue of The Economist (volume 382, issue 8515, page 67):
"As China enters an auspicious year, the birth rate is expected to soar.
HOSPITALS across China are bracing themselves for what is expected to be a surge of babies born in the year of the pig, which starts on February 18th. Pig years, which occur every 12 years, are considered auspicious. But the coming one, or so many believe, will be especially fortunate since it is not just a pig but a golden pig, the first in 60 or even 600 years, depending on which astrologer one consults.
China's state-owned media have carried numerous stories of gynaecologists struggling to cope with unusual numbers of expectant women. Life Times, a weekly newspaper, quoted an official as saying that Beijing alone could see 170,000 births this year, 50,000 more than in 2006 (quite an auspicious year itself). The increase is partly the result of a mini-baby boom in the 1980s, which was in turn caused by a boom two decades earlier. But officials say the golden pig has much to answer for.
In recent years, Hong Kong has become a magnet for urban Chinese women trying to evade China's strict one-child policy and enjoy better standards of hospital care (often free since many leave without paying their bills). But those hoping for a golden pig baby in Hong Kong will face difficulties. To stem the influx, Hong Kong introduced new rules on February 1st requiring mainland women who are more than seven months pregnant to prove they have a hospital booking in the territory before they can cross the border.
China's top family-planning official, Zhang Weiqing, said last month that given the current bulge in the number of people reaching childbearing age, the government would not relax its one-child policy. This will probably mean that the golden pig's impact on the birth rate will be followed by a correction once the auspicious period is over (next year is also being tipped as lucky, what with the Olympics and all).
But problems are bound to arise as the golden pig cohort reaches school age. In some parts of China, children born in 2000, the year of the dragon (also very auspicious, as suggested by the chart), are already facing stiffer than usual competition for places. In Shanghai last week, deputies to the local legislature's advisory body called on city planners to start taking account of auspicious years when considering education demand. They also appealed to citizens to abandon superstition, but that is much less likely to be heeded."
Pictures of Lydia in Her Chinese Outfit
DSC_0048
DSC_0070
DSC_0077
DSC_0104
DSC_0240
DSC_0270All pictures were taken in the living room on Friday, February 2, 2007 within an 8 minute span from 4:18 PM to 4:26 PM.
Saving Levi: Left to Die...Destined to Live
February 16, 2007
Have you ever read something that you just could not put down until you finished it? That happened to me yesterday when I was captivated by the true story of Levi Bentley, an adopted special needs Chinese boy, in a book written by his American mother, Lisa Misraje Bentley, and published just last month by Tyndale called Saving Levi: Left to Die. . .Destined to Live.
When I was reading the 140-page biography, tears intermittently and uncontrollably welled up in my eyes.
Below is an article from Focus on the Family magazine by Shan Schutte, a freelance writer and lecturer, about Levi and the Bentleys:
“Levi's Story
A baby abandoned in a field in China is miraculously saved by Christian missioniaries.
Focus on the Family magazine, January 2007
by Shana Schutte
Lisa Bentley was bored. As wife of a successful Washington state attorney, she had everything most mothers could want: a new house, four children and a minivan. Her hands were full, but her heart felt empty. She knew there had to be more to the Christian life.
A year later, in 2001, Lisa’s husband, John, asked if she would consider moving their family to Langfang, China, to help a struggling orphanage. It wasn’t exactly the faith adventure she had in mind. Lisa reluctantly agreed to a three-month trial, telling him that if it didn’t work out, they had to return to Washington.
The Bentleys loaded their children onto an airplane headed for Beijing, an hour’s drive from Langfang. When they arrived, Emily, 8, peered out the window and said, “This [city] looks like a dumpster.”
True, life in Langfang wasn’t nice. They arrived in the middle of winter and the Bentleys’ new home didn’t have heat—but it did have large rats that could jump two to three feet high. In spite of the nuisances, Lisa begged Him to give her a love for the Chinese people. God answered her prayer two weeks later when a small bundle was found in a local cornfield.
All alone
The 6-week-old baby boy cried while villagers looked on. No one dared pick him up because they didn’t want to get involved. Whoever left him hours before was convinced he would die anyway—he was wrapped in burial clothes. Ten renminbi (the approximate equivalent of $1.25) were also left behind. This was the amount believed necessary to pay for the baby’s passage into the next life.
After several moments, a compassionate villager, a father, picked up the tiny bundle, and the baby stopped crying. Now, the man knew it would be impossible for him to abandon the boy. He carefully carried the infant home on his bicycle, gave him some milk and unwrapped him.
The man was unprepared for what he saw. Burns covered more than 70 percent of the boy’s tiny body. Ashes fell from his left arm. His left foot, legs, face and right hand were badly burned. A mark on the side of his head showed where an IV had been, indicating that someone, probably his parents, had tried to save him.
The man asked if anyone in Langfang would take the baby. No one came forward, so the local police asked if the orphanage where John and Lisa worked would take responsibility for the baby. They said yes.
Love for the Chinese
John and another man took the baby to the hospital. “Spare no expense,” they told the staff. “We want this child to live.”
When Lisa saw the baby alone in his incubator, her heart broke. Doctors believed he had a 20 percent chance of survival, but Lisa knew with God all things are possible—so she prayed. When she prayed, God gave her the love for China she’d desperately wanted.
One night, as Lisa pleaded with God to save the baby, He reminded her of Matthew 13:44 “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field.” Yes, this little boy was a treasure, so Lisa started to do what mothers do: care for their children.
She named the baby Levi and arranged to have him moved to the Langfang Burn Center where doctors performed several surgeries: The baby’s left arm was amputated just below the elbow, and a skin graft was taken from his head to treat the left side of his body. Then Levi contracted a blood infection, and Lisa knew he would need more specialized care if he was going to survive.
God came through
Through God’s intervention, the Bentleys received approval from the government to take the baby to America for additional surgeries. Then Dr. John Schulz at Shriners Hospitals for Children (Boston) offered to operate on Levi free of charge. But Lisa still had two challenges: She didn’t have enough money for a plane ticket, and she didn’t know who would take care of Levi during his three-month hospital stay after she had to return to China.
Undeterred and motivated by love, she phoned several airlines—“I have a dying baby that I need to get to the United States in two days,” she pleaded. United Airlines agreed to provide free business-class airfare for Lisa, Levi and Lisa’s oldest daughter, Emily.
When the threesome arrived at the Beijing airport via ambulance, a reporter from the city’s largest newspaper asked Lisa for an interview. Word of Levi’s plight was spreading, and hearts were moved to help.
When Lisa boarded the plane with $50, a flight attendant Lisa had never met offered a small financial gift. “I don’t have a lot of money,” the attendant said, “but here’s $20.” Then a Chinese woman in Chicago gave Lisa $100, followed by another $40 from an ambulance driver in Boston.
But Lisa still had one problem: Who would take care of Levi?
Before leaving China, one of Lisa’s friends suggested that friends near Boston might take care of the baby. But in the rush to leave China, Lisa didn’t even have time to get a baby bag, let alone make phone calls. Without contact information, she had no idea how she could find a woman she’d never met.
Swarms of people lined the streets on Sunday morning. On their way to church, Lisa and Emily stopped to ask a couple standing on a street corner for directions.
“We’re looking for a church,” Lisa said.
“Are you Lisa Bentley?” they replied.
“Yes,” Lisa said.
The couple were the friends who had been recommended to Lisa.
They made an instant connection, and the woman offered to visit and care for Levi throughout his surgeries even though she would have to drive two hours each day for three months.
Many surgeries later, Levi is now a happy 4-year-old, and Lisa and John have adopted him. The Bentleys still work at the orphanage in Langfang, caring for orphans with special needs. After all this time, would Lisa take back her old life? “This is better than bonuses and raises—better than living the American dream,” she said. “
Lisa’s Closing Words in Her Book, Saving Levi
“I don’t know that I would ever have enough energy for another Levi. But for now, for this one life, God gave me everything I needed to become his mother. In so many ways, I feel as if I’m sharing this role with everyone who had a hand in saving him…While John and I got the privilege of raising him, only one mother on this planet know what it was like to bear Levi from her womb, to hear him cry for the first time, to feel him nurse contentedly at her breast. But countless numbers have borne him in their hearts…
Levi’s story is unfinished. If I could and it were up to me, I would take away all of his wounds and give him back all that the burns took from him. I would in a heartbeat. But you know, one day Levi will tell his story his way. And it may not, probably will not, line up with mine. Maybe he will say, ‘No, Mom, all these hardships have made me who I am.’ I am just a link in a chain that has connected the hearts of people around the world. Levi may have been left in a field to die, but through God’s providence, this boy was destined to live.”
More Information
For anyone who is interested in hearing more about Levi and the Bentleys, Focus on the Family aired two half hour radio broadcasts in late January 2007, which are accessible on the following two websites:
Focus on the Family (www.family.org) and
Harmony Outreach (www.harmonyoutreach.org)
January 25, 2007: The Bentleys: A Radical Journey of Faith (Part 1 of 2)
January 26, 2007: The Bentleys: A Radical Journey of Faith (Part 1 of 2)
If your computer has Windows Media Player or Real Media Player , you will be able to listen to those archived interviews of Lisa and John Bentley.
Have you ever read something that you just could not put down until you finished it? That happened to me yesterday when I was captivated by the true story of Levi Bentley, an adopted special needs Chinese boy, in a book written by his American mother, Lisa Misraje Bentley, and published just last month by Tyndale called Saving Levi: Left to Die. . .Destined to Live.
When I was reading the 140-page biography, tears intermittently and uncontrollably welled up in my eyes.
Below is an article from Focus on the Family magazine by Shan Schutte, a freelance writer and lecturer, about Levi and the Bentleys:
“Levi's Story
A baby abandoned in a field in China is miraculously saved by Christian missioniaries.
Focus on the Family magazine, January 2007
by Shana Schutte
Lisa Bentley was bored. As wife of a successful Washington state attorney, she had everything most mothers could want: a new house, four children and a minivan. Her hands were full, but her heart felt empty. She knew there had to be more to the Christian life.
A year later, in 2001, Lisa’s husband, John, asked if she would consider moving their family to Langfang, China, to help a struggling orphanage. It wasn’t exactly the faith adventure she had in mind. Lisa reluctantly agreed to a three-month trial, telling him that if it didn’t work out, they had to return to Washington.
The Bentleys loaded their children onto an airplane headed for Beijing, an hour’s drive from Langfang. When they arrived, Emily, 8, peered out the window and said, “This [city] looks like a dumpster.”
True, life in Langfang wasn’t nice. They arrived in the middle of winter and the Bentleys’ new home didn’t have heat—but it did have large rats that could jump two to three feet high. In spite of the nuisances, Lisa begged Him to give her a love for the Chinese people. God answered her prayer two weeks later when a small bundle was found in a local cornfield.
All alone
The 6-week-old baby boy cried while villagers looked on. No one dared pick him up because they didn’t want to get involved. Whoever left him hours before was convinced he would die anyway—he was wrapped in burial clothes. Ten renminbi (the approximate equivalent of $1.25) were also left behind. This was the amount believed necessary to pay for the baby’s passage into the next life.
After several moments, a compassionate villager, a father, picked up the tiny bundle, and the baby stopped crying. Now, the man knew it would be impossible for him to abandon the boy. He carefully carried the infant home on his bicycle, gave him some milk and unwrapped him.
The man was unprepared for what he saw. Burns covered more than 70 percent of the boy’s tiny body. Ashes fell from his left arm. His left foot, legs, face and right hand were badly burned. A mark on the side of his head showed where an IV had been, indicating that someone, probably his parents, had tried to save him.
The man asked if anyone in Langfang would take the baby. No one came forward, so the local police asked if the orphanage where John and Lisa worked would take responsibility for the baby. They said yes.
Love for the Chinese
John and another man took the baby to the hospital. “Spare no expense,” they told the staff. “We want this child to live.”
When Lisa saw the baby alone in his incubator, her heart broke. Doctors believed he had a 20 percent chance of survival, but Lisa knew with God all things are possible—so she prayed. When she prayed, God gave her the love for China she’d desperately wanted.
One night, as Lisa pleaded with God to save the baby, He reminded her of Matthew 13:44 “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field.” Yes, this little boy was a treasure, so Lisa started to do what mothers do: care for their children.
She named the baby Levi and arranged to have him moved to the Langfang Burn Center where doctors performed several surgeries: The baby’s left arm was amputated just below the elbow, and a skin graft was taken from his head to treat the left side of his body. Then Levi contracted a blood infection, and Lisa knew he would need more specialized care if he was going to survive.
God came through
Through God’s intervention, the Bentleys received approval from the government to take the baby to America for additional surgeries. Then Dr. John Schulz at Shriners Hospitals for Children (Boston) offered to operate on Levi free of charge. But Lisa still had two challenges: She didn’t have enough money for a plane ticket, and she didn’t know who would take care of Levi during his three-month hospital stay after she had to return to China.
Undeterred and motivated by love, she phoned several airlines—“I have a dying baby that I need to get to the United States in two days,” she pleaded. United Airlines agreed to provide free business-class airfare for Lisa, Levi and Lisa’s oldest daughter, Emily.
When the threesome arrived at the Beijing airport via ambulance, a reporter from the city’s largest newspaper asked Lisa for an interview. Word of Levi’s plight was spreading, and hearts were moved to help.
When Lisa boarded the plane with $50, a flight attendant Lisa had never met offered a small financial gift. “I don’t have a lot of money,” the attendant said, “but here’s $20.” Then a Chinese woman in Chicago gave Lisa $100, followed by another $40 from an ambulance driver in Boston.
But Lisa still had one problem: Who would take care of Levi?
Before leaving China, one of Lisa’s friends suggested that friends near Boston might take care of the baby. But in the rush to leave China, Lisa didn’t even have time to get a baby bag, let alone make phone calls. Without contact information, she had no idea how she could find a woman she’d never met.
Swarms of people lined the streets on Sunday morning. On their way to church, Lisa and Emily stopped to ask a couple standing on a street corner for directions.
“We’re looking for a church,” Lisa said.
“Are you Lisa Bentley?” they replied.
“Yes,” Lisa said.
The couple were the friends who had been recommended to Lisa.
They made an instant connection, and the woman offered to visit and care for Levi throughout his surgeries even though she would have to drive two hours each day for three months.
Many surgeries later, Levi is now a happy 4-year-old, and Lisa and John have adopted him. The Bentleys still work at the orphanage in Langfang, caring for orphans with special needs. After all this time, would Lisa take back her old life? “This is better than bonuses and raises—better than living the American dream,” she said. “
Lisa’s Closing Words in Her Book, Saving Levi
“I don’t know that I would ever have enough energy for another Levi. But for now, for this one life, God gave me everything I needed to become his mother. In so many ways, I feel as if I’m sharing this role with everyone who had a hand in saving him…While John and I got the privilege of raising him, only one mother on this planet know what it was like to bear Levi from her womb, to hear him cry for the first time, to feel him nurse contentedly at her breast. But countless numbers have borne him in their hearts…
Levi’s story is unfinished. If I could and it were up to me, I would take away all of his wounds and give him back all that the burns took from him. I would in a heartbeat. But you know, one day Levi will tell his story his way. And it may not, probably will not, line up with mine. Maybe he will say, ‘No, Mom, all these hardships have made me who I am.’ I am just a link in a chain that has connected the hearts of people around the world. Levi may have been left in a field to die, but through God’s providence, this boy was destined to live.”
More Information
For anyone who is interested in hearing more about Levi and the Bentleys, Focus on the Family aired two half hour radio broadcasts in late January 2007, which are accessible on the following two websites:
Focus on the Family (www.family.org) and
Harmony Outreach (www.harmonyoutreach.org)
January 25, 2007: The Bentleys: A Radical Journey of Faith (Part 1 of 2)
January 26, 2007: The Bentleys: A Radical Journey of Faith (Part 1 of 2)
If your computer has Windows Media Player or Real Media Player , you will be able to listen to those archived interviews of Lisa and John Bentley.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Valentine's Day Week
February 14, 2007 (Wednesday)
Lydia and Ma Wee
This is the first week that both SiowFong and I have not been at home during the weekdays since we returned from China.
During the last three days, Lydia has noticed this change. On Monday, she awoke and realized that neither of us was there so she kept sleeping way beyond her normal time of 6:15 AM to 6:30 AM. She did not arise until Ma Wee took her out of her crib at 9:30 AM! For the rest of the day, she attached herself to Ma Wee, not straying more than a foot from Ma Wee. In addition, she did not play with any of her toys that were beyond her immediate reach.
On Tuesday, Lydia purposefully awoke earlier than usual at 5:15 AM to make sure that she would see us before we departed. Because my work shift is later on Tuesdays, she saw me for a few hours in the morning before I left for work, and she did not cling to Ma Wee more than usual.
Today was another 5:15 AM awakening. Because SiowFong left for work at 6:45 AM and I departed at 8:00 AM, Lydia’s behavior during the day reverted to her demeanor on Monday as she closely shadowed Ma Wee the entire day.
Once SiowFong returns from work in the late afternoon, Lydia feels more secure and then begins to roam through the kitchen and the living room.
What would we do without Ma Wee? Lydia really likes her “pour pour” (Chinese for one’s maternal grandmother). We are very grateful that Ma Wee is staying with us a few months to care for Lydia when both of us are working. When Lydia eventually goes to day care after Ma Wee returns to Malaysia and after SiowFong and I exhaust the remainder of our leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act, it could be a traumatic transition for Lydia.
The Importance of Attachment
After hearing Ma Wee’s reports about Lydia’s daytime behavior changes when SiowFong and I are not at home with her, I thought about a book called Raising Great Kids: A Comprehensive Guide to Parenting with Grace and Truth (Zondervan, 1999) that SiowFong read two years ago when we were starting the process of international adoption. Written by two psychologists, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, the book concentrates its attention on rearing children of character. In the fourth chapter of the book, Laying the Foundation of Life: Connectedness, the authors write the following (on pages 68 to 71):
“Attachment is the capacity to relate to God and others, to connect to something outside of ourselves. When we make an attachment, good things are transferred between us and others, such as empathy, comfort, truth, and encouragement. Attachment brings warmth, meaning, and purpose to life. Of all the character aspects we will deal with in this book, this is the most important. As the Bible teaches, love (which is closely associated with attachment) never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8). When we connect deeply and lovingly with God and significant people, we can weather many of the storms of life.
From the womb, your child is designed to connect. When she leaves the womb, she is in a state of isolation, terror, and anger…Birth is a jarring experience for infants. The instinctual, God-given response of a baby’s mother is to bring the baby to herself, to soothe and calm her, and to begin the process of attachment that helps the baby experience the good that exists in relationship…
Some may quarrel with the idea that the ability to attach is a character trait. Attachment doesn’t seem to resonate with things like morality, integrity, and right thinking. It is, however, very much a part of the basic functions of a person. When a person is loved and treated well, she attaches to the person who loves and treats her well. She gains a sense that being loved and treated well is a good thing. In addition, she learns how to love and treat others well. This is the basis of the Golden Rule, the foundation of all morality (Matthew 7:12). An attached person has the structures within herself to become a moral person.
Attachment is not humanity’s idea, but God’s. God himself is relational at his core: He is love (1 John 4:8)…
Kids who are emotionally connected in healthy ways are more secure. They delay gratification. They respond to discipline. They deal with failure. They make good moral decisions. The list goes on and on…
The reason is simple: the attached child is never left without a way to get the resources for life. Life brings many demands, problems, and requirements. The connected child looks within for what he can provide, then goes to God and others for the rest. The detached child is left to fend for himself, and he does not have sufficient resources to conduct life on his own…
Research supports the biblical idea that relationship is crucial to life. Interactions between mother and child deeply affect an infant’s developing neurological structures. The literal hardwiring of an infant’s brain, including such basic functions as thinking, relating to the world, perceiving, and judging, depends on the mother-child relationship. Severe disruption of this attachment in the early months after birth can affect a child’s entire life…
Many people become concerned that children who attach and are dependent will become insecure adults who can’t stand on their own. Actually, the opposite is true. The child who is allowed to emotionally depend on a reliable, loving parent becomes fortified with the assurance of her stability. As a child internalizes her mother’s love, she feels safe enough to explore the world confidently.”
Lydia and Ma Wee
This is the first week that both SiowFong and I have not been at home during the weekdays since we returned from China.
During the last three days, Lydia has noticed this change. On Monday, she awoke and realized that neither of us was there so she kept sleeping way beyond her normal time of 6:15 AM to 6:30 AM. She did not arise until Ma Wee took her out of her crib at 9:30 AM! For the rest of the day, she attached herself to Ma Wee, not straying more than a foot from Ma Wee. In addition, she did not play with any of her toys that were beyond her immediate reach.
On Tuesday, Lydia purposefully awoke earlier than usual at 5:15 AM to make sure that she would see us before we departed. Because my work shift is later on Tuesdays, she saw me for a few hours in the morning before I left for work, and she did not cling to Ma Wee more than usual.
Today was another 5:15 AM awakening. Because SiowFong left for work at 6:45 AM and I departed at 8:00 AM, Lydia’s behavior during the day reverted to her demeanor on Monday as she closely shadowed Ma Wee the entire day.
Once SiowFong returns from work in the late afternoon, Lydia feels more secure and then begins to roam through the kitchen and the living room.
What would we do without Ma Wee? Lydia really likes her “pour pour” (Chinese for one’s maternal grandmother). We are very grateful that Ma Wee is staying with us a few months to care for Lydia when both of us are working. When Lydia eventually goes to day care after Ma Wee returns to Malaysia and after SiowFong and I exhaust the remainder of our leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act, it could be a traumatic transition for Lydia.
The Importance of Attachment
After hearing Ma Wee’s reports about Lydia’s daytime behavior changes when SiowFong and I are not at home with her, I thought about a book called Raising Great Kids: A Comprehensive Guide to Parenting with Grace and Truth (Zondervan, 1999) that SiowFong read two years ago when we were starting the process of international adoption. Written by two psychologists, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, the book concentrates its attention on rearing children of character. In the fourth chapter of the book, Laying the Foundation of Life: Connectedness, the authors write the following (on pages 68 to 71):
“Attachment is the capacity to relate to God and others, to connect to something outside of ourselves. When we make an attachment, good things are transferred between us and others, such as empathy, comfort, truth, and encouragement. Attachment brings warmth, meaning, and purpose to life. Of all the character aspects we will deal with in this book, this is the most important. As the Bible teaches, love (which is closely associated with attachment) never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8). When we connect deeply and lovingly with God and significant people, we can weather many of the storms of life.
From the womb, your child is designed to connect. When she leaves the womb, she is in a state of isolation, terror, and anger…Birth is a jarring experience for infants. The instinctual, God-given response of a baby’s mother is to bring the baby to herself, to soothe and calm her, and to begin the process of attachment that helps the baby experience the good that exists in relationship…
Some may quarrel with the idea that the ability to attach is a character trait. Attachment doesn’t seem to resonate with things like morality, integrity, and right thinking. It is, however, very much a part of the basic functions of a person. When a person is loved and treated well, she attaches to the person who loves and treats her well. She gains a sense that being loved and treated well is a good thing. In addition, she learns how to love and treat others well. This is the basis of the Golden Rule, the foundation of all morality (Matthew 7:12). An attached person has the structures within herself to become a moral person.
Attachment is not humanity’s idea, but God’s. God himself is relational at his core: He is love (1 John 4:8)…
Kids who are emotionally connected in healthy ways are more secure. They delay gratification. They respond to discipline. They deal with failure. They make good moral decisions. The list goes on and on…
The reason is simple: the attached child is never left without a way to get the resources for life. Life brings many demands, problems, and requirements. The connected child looks within for what he can provide, then goes to God and others for the rest. The detached child is left to fend for himself, and he does not have sufficient resources to conduct life on his own…
Research supports the biblical idea that relationship is crucial to life. Interactions between mother and child deeply affect an infant’s developing neurological structures. The literal hardwiring of an infant’s brain, including such basic functions as thinking, relating to the world, perceiving, and judging, depends on the mother-child relationship. Severe disruption of this attachment in the early months after birth can affect a child’s entire life…
Many people become concerned that children who attach and are dependent will become insecure adults who can’t stand on their own. Actually, the opposite is true. The child who is allowed to emotionally depend on a reliable, loving parent becomes fortified with the assurance of her stability. As a child internalizes her mother’s love, she feels safe enough to explore the world confidently.”
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Photo Update
DSC_0158Lydia's Squeaky Shoes bought in Guangzhou, China
Dining room table
January 31, 2007
DSC_0190Lydia looking at dad (Tom) who is holding the large pink dog near her
Living room
January 31, 2007
DSC_0203Lydia and Leila Bhagwandin competing with each other for the white stuffed teddy bear
Living room
February 1, 2007
DSC_0204Lydia carrying a teddy bear in the hood of her jacket
Living room
February 4, 2007
DSC_0215Grandpa (Pa Chin), Lydia, and dad (Tom)
Living room
February 4, 2007
DSC_0288Grandma (Ma Chin), Lydia, and Grandpa (Pa Chin)
Living room
February 2, 2007
DSC_0292Lydia and one of her favorite teddy bears with Pa Chin in the background
Living room
February 2, 2007
DSC_0314
Lydia uttering something and opening her mouth
Living room
February 2, 2007
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Amgen Baby Shower and US Certificate of Citizenship
February 9, 2007 (Friday)
Lydia’s Baby Shower at Amgen
The highlight of the day was Lydia’s visit to her mom’s to attend a lunch and a baby shower that was being held in her honor by SiowFong’s colleagues. After her morning nap, a diaper change, and a bottle of formula, Lydia was ready to meet some people. She, Ma Wee, SiowFong, and I arrived at Amgen at 11:30 AM. As we were walking inside the buildings on the Amgen campus, Ma Wee commented, “The hallways seem endless”.
Around noon, SiowFong held Lydia’s hand as both walked down a hallway to a dining room with Ma Wee and me following them. As Lydia strolled down the corridor, her squeaky shoes from China announced her presence with each step. (Squeaky shoes are quite popular for infants and toddlers in China as they provide an easy way for their caretaker(s) or parent(s) to monitor them.)
When Lydia reached the dining room and saw a number of SiowFong’s coworkers waiting to greet her, she hesitated as she slowly entered the room. She paused and then turned around to leave, at which point SiowFong picked her up and carried her. Nestled safely in her mother’s arms, Lydia met a number of individuals. After SiowFong placed Lydia down on the floor, Lydia stayed close to Ma Wee. Shortly thereafter, one of SiowFong’s coworkers brought out a toy lawnmower for Lydia, which intrigued her for quite some time.
Over the course of the next two and a half hours, about fifty of SiowFong’s coworkers had a chance to see and / or meet Lydia and Ma Wee. Many informed SiowFong and me that they had read Lydia’s blog. They had seen pictures of Lydia and Ma Wee, and now they could see them face-to-face.
Several of SiowFong’s colleagues who were Chinese conversed with Ma Wee in Mandarin or Cantonese, which helped Ma Wee to feel at ease. Although Lydia was wondering who all of these adults were and although she resisted being carried by SiowFong’s colleagues, she never cried. One person noted that “Lydia has a good disposition.”
Spread out on a large rectangular table was a lot of food, including homemade chili, Swedish meatballs in spaghetti sauce, homemade curry, roast pork, Chinese barbecue pork, vegetable plate, Spanish rice, rice pilaf, pasta salad, lo mein, bread, chips, and dip. On another table was Lydia’s birthday cake, which read “Welcome Baby LYDIA”. In addition to the birthday cake, there were also cupcakes.
After lunch, SiowFong and Lydia sat on a couch and began opening the presents while I continued videotaping this special event. After SiowFong unwrapped a gift, Lydia would touch it. Besides the lawnmower, Lydia received an assortment of books, stuffed animals (which she hugged and kissed), a Fisher Price airplane, a bath puppet, a Winnie the Pooh CD, bathtub toys, clothes (a pink jacket, pants, and dress), a toy camera, a few sets of blocks (soft blocks in an elephant cart and Fisher Price Peek A Blocks), a handmade blanket, a gift certificate for a family portrait at Yuen Lui, and some gift cards (Babies ‘R Us and Target).
Caring, generous, and thoughtful would be appropriate words to describe the outpouring of support that Lydia, Ma Wee, SiowFong, and I received today from SiowFong’s colleagues.
Certificate of Citizenship
Because of the Child Citizenship Act of 2000, Lydia automatically became a US citizen when our China Southern airplane landed in Los Angeles on Friday, January 12, 2007 since both SiowFong and I traveled to China to finalize her adoption; as a result, she arrived in the US under a Visa 3 (an IR-3 visa). (Children who arrive with a Visa 4 (an IR-4 visa) where only one adoptive parent travels to China must complete a re-adoption process in the parent’s state before the child becomes an American citizen.)
The US consulate officer in Guangzhou, China informed us on January 11, 2007 that we would receive Lydia’s official citizenship certificate from the Department of Homeland Security about four weeks later. As predicted, it arrived this afternoon in the mail.
According to our adoption agency, New Hope, this piece of paper is important because of the following reasons:
“One: A certificate of citizenship shows that USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) has made a full determination of the individual’s status and provides documentation that he or she meets the requirements…
Two: If the original certificate is lost or stolen, it can be replaced.
Three: USCIS does not always accept a passport, especially an expired passport, as proof of citizenship nor does the Social Security Administration.”
Lydia’s Baby Shower at Amgen
The highlight of the day was Lydia’s visit to her mom’s to attend a lunch and a baby shower that was being held in her honor by SiowFong’s colleagues. After her morning nap, a diaper change, and a bottle of formula, Lydia was ready to meet some people. She, Ma Wee, SiowFong, and I arrived at Amgen at 11:30 AM. As we were walking inside the buildings on the Amgen campus, Ma Wee commented, “The hallways seem endless”.
Around noon, SiowFong held Lydia’s hand as both walked down a hallway to a dining room with Ma Wee and me following them. As Lydia strolled down the corridor, her squeaky shoes from China announced her presence with each step. (Squeaky shoes are quite popular for infants and toddlers in China as they provide an easy way for their caretaker(s) or parent(s) to monitor them.)
When Lydia reached the dining room and saw a number of SiowFong’s coworkers waiting to greet her, she hesitated as she slowly entered the room. She paused and then turned around to leave, at which point SiowFong picked her up and carried her. Nestled safely in her mother’s arms, Lydia met a number of individuals. After SiowFong placed Lydia down on the floor, Lydia stayed close to Ma Wee. Shortly thereafter, one of SiowFong’s coworkers brought out a toy lawnmower for Lydia, which intrigued her for quite some time.
Over the course of the next two and a half hours, about fifty of SiowFong’s coworkers had a chance to see and / or meet Lydia and Ma Wee. Many informed SiowFong and me that they had read Lydia’s blog. They had seen pictures of Lydia and Ma Wee, and now they could see them face-to-face.
Several of SiowFong’s colleagues who were Chinese conversed with Ma Wee in Mandarin or Cantonese, which helped Ma Wee to feel at ease. Although Lydia was wondering who all of these adults were and although she resisted being carried by SiowFong’s colleagues, she never cried. One person noted that “Lydia has a good disposition.”
Spread out on a large rectangular table was a lot of food, including homemade chili, Swedish meatballs in spaghetti sauce, homemade curry, roast pork, Chinese barbecue pork, vegetable plate, Spanish rice, rice pilaf, pasta salad, lo mein, bread, chips, and dip. On another table was Lydia’s birthday cake, which read “Welcome Baby LYDIA”. In addition to the birthday cake, there were also cupcakes.
After lunch, SiowFong and Lydia sat on a couch and began opening the presents while I continued videotaping this special event. After SiowFong unwrapped a gift, Lydia would touch it. Besides the lawnmower, Lydia received an assortment of books, stuffed animals (which she hugged and kissed), a Fisher Price airplane, a bath puppet, a Winnie the Pooh CD, bathtub toys, clothes (a pink jacket, pants, and dress), a toy camera, a few sets of blocks (soft blocks in an elephant cart and Fisher Price Peek A Blocks), a handmade blanket, a gift certificate for a family portrait at Yuen Lui, and some gift cards (Babies ‘R Us and Target).
Caring, generous, and thoughtful would be appropriate words to describe the outpouring of support that Lydia, Ma Wee, SiowFong, and I received today from SiowFong’s colleagues.
Certificate of Citizenship
Because of the Child Citizenship Act of 2000, Lydia automatically became a US citizen when our China Southern airplane landed in Los Angeles on Friday, January 12, 2007 since both SiowFong and I traveled to China to finalize her adoption; as a result, she arrived in the US under a Visa 3 (an IR-3 visa). (Children who arrive with a Visa 4 (an IR-4 visa) where only one adoptive parent travels to China must complete a re-adoption process in the parent’s state before the child becomes an American citizen.)
The US consulate officer in Guangzhou, China informed us on January 11, 2007 that we would receive Lydia’s official citizenship certificate from the Department of Homeland Security about four weeks later. As predicted, it arrived this afternoon in the mail.
According to our adoption agency, New Hope, this piece of paper is important because of the following reasons:
“One: A certificate of citizenship shows that USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) has made a full determination of the individual’s status and provides documentation that he or she meets the requirements…
Two: If the original certificate is lost or stolen, it can be replaced.
Three: USCIS does not always accept a passport, especially an expired passport, as proof of citizenship nor does the Social Security Administration.”
Health of Children Adopted from China
February 8, 2007 (Thursday)
Health of Children Adopted from China
Laurie Miller, an associate professor of pediatrics at Tufts University School of Medicine in Boston, Massachusetts and the director of its International Adoption Clinic with over fifteen years of experience as an adoption medicine specialist, writes the following in her text, The Handbook of International Adoption Medicine (Oxford University Press, 2005, page 53):
“Are Chinese adoptees healthier and more developmentally intact than children from other countries? The young age of most children at the time of placement, better prenatal care, fewer adverse prenatal exposures [to tobacco, alcohol, or illegal drugs], and superior institutional care have been cited as possible protective factors.
No published studies have yet specifically compared the health of children adopted from China to that of adoptees from other countries. Most experts agree that the risks of fetal alcohol syndrome and fetal alcohol effect are considerably less than in children from Russia and other Eastern European countries.
However, a survey of 452 children adopted from China reported prevalence of infectious diseases and growth and development delays similar to that of children from other countries. Hepatitis B surface antigen was found in 6 %, intestinal parasites in 9 %, and latent tuberculosis infection in 3.5 % of Chinese adoptees. Delayed growth was found in 39 % of children for height, 18 % for weight, and 24 % for head circumference. Seventy-five percent of children had significant developmental delays in one or more domains [gross motor, fine motor, language, and social]; 44 % had global delays. This report only evaluated children at entry into the United States; the prevalence of learning disabilities, language delays, persistent developmental delays, and behavior and emotional problems was not assessed.
Notably, 14 % of the children had elevated lead levels, a much higher prevalence than that for children from other countries. The long-term effects of lead intoxication may not be fully apparent until affected children reach school age.”
Health of Children Adopted from China
Laurie Miller, an associate professor of pediatrics at Tufts University School of Medicine in Boston, Massachusetts and the director of its International Adoption Clinic with over fifteen years of experience as an adoption medicine specialist, writes the following in her text, The Handbook of International Adoption Medicine (Oxford University Press, 2005, page 53):
“Are Chinese adoptees healthier and more developmentally intact than children from other countries? The young age of most children at the time of placement, better prenatal care, fewer adverse prenatal exposures [to tobacco, alcohol, or illegal drugs], and superior institutional care have been cited as possible protective factors.
No published studies have yet specifically compared the health of children adopted from China to that of adoptees from other countries. Most experts agree that the risks of fetal alcohol syndrome and fetal alcohol effect are considerably less than in children from Russia and other Eastern European countries.
However, a survey of 452 children adopted from China reported prevalence of infectious diseases and growth and development delays similar to that of children from other countries. Hepatitis B surface antigen was found in 6 %, intestinal parasites in 9 %, and latent tuberculosis infection in 3.5 % of Chinese adoptees. Delayed growth was found in 39 % of children for height, 18 % for weight, and 24 % for head circumference. Seventy-five percent of children had significant developmental delays in one or more domains [gross motor, fine motor, language, and social]; 44 % had global delays. This report only evaluated children at entry into the United States; the prevalence of learning disabilities, language delays, persistent developmental delays, and behavior and emotional problems was not assessed.
Notably, 14 % of the children had elevated lead levels, a much higher prevalence than that for children from other countries. The long-term effects of lead intoxication may not be fully apparent until affected children reach school age.”
Lydia's First Medical Visit: SiowFong's Eyewitness Account
February 7, 2007 (Wednesday)
Below is SiowFong's account of Lydia's appointment today:
"Today is Lydia’s first medical examination with Dr. Julia Bledsoe, an international adoption pediatrician at the U of Washington Medical Center. She has examined 800 adoptive babies from China to date! Dr. Bledsoe is also the mother of 2 adopted children from Korea; a boy and a girl at aged 10 and 7 years old. We arrived at the clinic for registration at 8:05 am. At 8:20 am we were at the doctor exam room where a nurse aid took her stats: 18 lbs and 12 oz, 28 inches height, and 18 inches for the head circumference.
Dr Bledsoe arrived at 8:55 am to examine her. She gave Lydia a cookie to see how her coordination skills were as well as observing her. She also gave her a book and watched Lydia’s reaction to the book. She commented the followings:• Lydia has excellent motor and social skills and ranked among the top 10% of all her 800 Chinese babies she has seen: Lydia was already walking at 12 months old (some adoptive babies do not even crawl at 18 months old); Lydia was able to transfer her cookie from one hand to the next, and she was trying to get a cookie out from the package• Lydia has great eye contact•
Based on the predictive chart growth, Lydia will be at least 5 ft 2 inches tall; Dr. Bledsoe thinks Lydia will be taller than that. Dr Bledsoe is satisfied with Lydia’s weight and her height measurements and commented that she is not under the petite category• Lydia feels very secured with her new family and looks as if she has been with us for more than a month (we got her on Jan 4th and today is Feb 7th)• Lydia is a very smart baby: an average baby starts pointing at 15 months old, and Lydia has already started doing that when we got her at 12 months old; Lydia was looking at the book very intently and pointing at the pictures in the book; Dr Bledsoe was impressed that Lydia waved ‘bye-bye’ to her before she left the room. Dr. Bledsoe commented that Lydia is a very beautiful baby and has such beautiful eyes. Before she left the room, she commented again that we have a very smart baby.
Lydia received 3 shots (Influenza B; measles/mumps/rubella; pneumococcus ) and 12-ml of blood was drawn from her for many tests. I will be dropping of a sample of her poop tomorrow. All the blood work tests will be known on Monday and the pediatrician will call me with the results. Based on the results, Lydia will either go back for more test, or another visit at either 8 or 12 weeks. She had both arms poked for blood withdrawal; 6-ml from each arm as the nurse could not get the 12-ml blood from one arm. Poor girl, she was exhausted from crying by the end of the blood withdrawal and slept all the way home. We left the clinic at 10:20 am and arrived home just before 11 am."
Below is SiowFong's account of Lydia's appointment today:
"Today is Lydia’s first medical examination with Dr. Julia Bledsoe, an international adoption pediatrician at the U of Washington Medical Center. She has examined 800 adoptive babies from China to date! Dr. Bledsoe is also the mother of 2 adopted children from Korea; a boy and a girl at aged 10 and 7 years old. We arrived at the clinic for registration at 8:05 am. At 8:20 am we were at the doctor exam room where a nurse aid took her stats: 18 lbs and 12 oz, 28 inches height, and 18 inches for the head circumference.
Dr Bledsoe arrived at 8:55 am to examine her. She gave Lydia a cookie to see how her coordination skills were as well as observing her. She also gave her a book and watched Lydia’s reaction to the book. She commented the followings:• Lydia has excellent motor and social skills and ranked among the top 10% of all her 800 Chinese babies she has seen: Lydia was already walking at 12 months old (some adoptive babies do not even crawl at 18 months old); Lydia was able to transfer her cookie from one hand to the next, and she was trying to get a cookie out from the package• Lydia has great eye contact•
Based on the predictive chart growth, Lydia will be at least 5 ft 2 inches tall; Dr. Bledsoe thinks Lydia will be taller than that. Dr Bledsoe is satisfied with Lydia’s weight and her height measurements and commented that she is not under the petite category• Lydia feels very secured with her new family and looks as if she has been with us for more than a month (we got her on Jan 4th and today is Feb 7th)• Lydia is a very smart baby: an average baby starts pointing at 15 months old, and Lydia has already started doing that when we got her at 12 months old; Lydia was looking at the book very intently and pointing at the pictures in the book; Dr Bledsoe was impressed that Lydia waved ‘bye-bye’ to her before she left the room. Dr. Bledsoe commented that Lydia is a very beautiful baby and has such beautiful eyes. Before she left the room, she commented again that we have a very smart baby.
Lydia received 3 shots (Influenza B; measles/mumps/rubella; pneumococcus ) and 12-ml of blood was drawn from her for many tests. I will be dropping of a sample of her poop tomorrow. All the blood work tests will be known on Monday and the pediatrician will call me with the results. Based on the results, Lydia will either go back for more test, or another visit at either 8 or 12 weeks. She had both arms poked for blood withdrawal; 6-ml from each arm as the nurse could not get the 12-ml blood from one arm. Poor girl, she was exhausted from crying by the end of the blood withdrawal and slept all the way home. We left the clinic at 10:20 am and arrived home just before 11 am."
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